I got into a fight with my girlfriend this weekend. It wasn't anything really special, earth shattering, life- or relationship-changing. Just an argument. We didn't even raise our voices, just discussed things in conflicting tones and presentation. I could even blame it on the alcohol, if I wanted to.
Basically, she had gotten off work a little after ten on Saturday. She has no car, so I went to pick her up--nothing special. After arriving at my apartment, ennui began to settle in our brains; so we countered it with going to the Mitch's, a little dive bar about five minutes away. We had a good time, had a couple of beers, listened to some music, and tried some of these random sweet shots she had created. My girlfriend has many talents, and one of them is making tasty shots (for instance, she does something with two or three liquers called a pancake shot--it tastes just like what its namesake, and you shoot it with orange juice. Ah, breakfast drinking at its finest). I don't know about her; but, leaving the bar after consuming the equivalent of four drinks, I was feeling pretty buzzed. This is where the argument starts. See? I can blame it on the alcohol if I would like.
My girlfriend and I have both arrived at nexuses in our lives, unfortunately both of them making us somewhat unstable and transient at the moment. I am looking into choosing which law school I want to attend, after being accepted to several. She is looking into grad school for a mathematical analysis concentration: a big change in direction considering her degree is in music. Perhaps this degree of uncertainty in both our lives is what has put us together. I like to think it's more the matching of humors and personalities, but this is still probably an underlying cause.
These are both long term solutions to our lives; short-term, it's even more unstable. I am currently job less and looking for work. She works as a waitress--works for tips, as old Cotton Hill would say. This is a huge source of contention, at least for me. She's had her serving job for close to four months now, and she really enjoys it. That's what bothers me. The more she talks about it, the more she seems to be swept up in the lifestyle. I can easily see her feeling that keeping her profession as a waitress may be the easy way out.
Anyway, flash to Saturday night as we leave the bar. I can't remember how it started, but she starts bragging about the money she makes, and how it's so much more than a common desk job would make her (which is more what I am looking for). This series of comments, combined with general angsty behavior and the alcohol, gets me in the mood for the argument. I mention that I do not really feel comfortable with the fact she is enthusiastic about her as a server/bartender. I mention that her enthusiasm may lead her to staying in this situation, this arrogance and contentment with which she regards her job she has been developing ever since holding the job. She has stopped really looking for jobs that are not related to serving: jobs that may not pay much in the short term, but ones whose experience would pay off much better than the honestly low quality experience serving offers.
Granted, serving can be a pretty good job; and I respect the position, but we have to look at the situation in greater context. The girlfriend, as she has reminded me and countless others, went to a pricy and allegedly well-respected New England liberal arts college. She broods on the fact that she cannot find work that fits her background and education. She worked at an Olive Garden for a long time just to have some kind of position, and she hated it. She hated waitressing, and yet here she is. She got this job after quitting Olive Garden and being accepted to Northwestern for political science. Yeah, I know, right? Wow. She decided she did not want to go to Northwestern; and after more flailing around for a job, she finally got this job at a more upscale joint in town. Since then, she seems to be more focused on the short term, looking for more serving jobs and associating more and more with other servers. Her acceptance at Northwestern, I assume (she does not really discuss these matters with me often), has vanished. Instead, she is now trying to enroll at a local satellite school of one of the state universities.
The argument continues as we drive home and settle at my apartment. I basically am telling her she is selling herself short, and I am worrying she may be focusing more on serving than the career she says she wants. If she does not start acting, she is going to be caught in this position for the rest of her life. Hopefully, a manager job will become available sometime soon.
Her retort was that she's working on it. She's looking for other jobs, but she's going to school in the fall. I ask her if she is, really. See, the date of this argument was January 28th. I know graduate school applications pretty well, having been the whole tiring process twice. Applications should be finished by this time, and hers isn't. She's waiting on her letters of recommendation (usually you need three of them); and, while she's acquired two of them, she still isn't sure who her third request will be.
This is where I pretty much peaked in my passion with this debate. She is so focused on her waitressing job, even confirming that she will be at least a bartender throughout her time in graduate school, but she hasn't even completed her application yet! This late in the process. Her argument this time is that application is rolling. Too easy of a statement for me to refute. All of my law school applications (which were finished over a month ago), were rolling. Rolling applications typically mean you should finish them as soon as possible, not the opposite! I went to the bathroom shortly after the argument had progressed at this point, and after finishing up there the heat of the moment had passed. The rest of the night went without any trouble or anything noteworthy.
Looking back at it, I don't know whether I should feel like an asshole or not. I just feeling like we are approaching our transitions in different lights. While I am still unemployed (I am working on it), I am focusing on the long term--where I want to be in five or ten years. She seems to be neglecting the long term for immediate results and money, even if she is selling her potential short.
I probably sound like some kind of genius, but what do I know? I'm unemployed...one of those 8.5-10% that the government doesn't like. At least she has a job, and that's more than I can say.
Which one is the right path? I am suffering for the short term, but will it pay off in the end? Or am I just getting lost in pipe dreams? Should we focus more on long term happiness than the present, when situations arise such as this?
It's probably some happy medium, short term success followed with tangible long term goals. It's always some happy medium such as that. We can't sacrifice ourselves for what works now if it's not a complete solution for our lives, but we can't sacrifice our livelihoods and current options in the present for dreams in the future.
It's just something to think about.
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