2013 and I feel fine

Walk to that sidewalk on the shrubs
and remember the tear and the lying sludge
Went to far west and now all said in hand
A sad face and all in a crying plan
Taste the tear drops and see the sunshine
as I sit, eat steak and drink some wine
see the trees, the leaves and forest
the light's in the sky nightly test
and remember the day, that clued bright feats
an uncanny sound only tied to the street
I tried to find snow flakes in the mad rush
A landfall wanting to sit there in the lust
 The mudfalls on the castle standards
And I watched you laugh
when all I could muster was a sigh
But the music was good
the piano in tune with
the laser show with
the issues of the day
2012 and the fiscal cliff
but lying in bed it din't matter
the clouds and the carpet din't look like worms
and those snow flkes looked more like ash in second glance
but it's ok because we're inside
and safe...and warm
when I woke up this morning
my first thought a glass of warm whiskey
followed by spoiled milk and a fat joint
I want live life
and know what it is to be unknown
WELCOME HOME SON
HELP THOSE IN NEED
WHEN YOU HAVE WON
DOWN GO THE LEAVES
IT WEIGHTS A TON
WATCH YOUR ARMS BLEED
MOUTH ON THE GUN
BLIND OPTION READ
K-9 cop car in the mix
7.4% alcohol by volume
that handwriting looks like a serial killer's
That big city's scary now, huh?
the streets bend and wind like blood veins
and they smear in your mirror when you feel pain
I wish I had a painkiller
but all I have are my kisses
laundry is a celebration
when you've got nothing else to do
throw those boxers at the mirror
and dance your pants off
throw the shit and watch it stick
A clear bottle is the best winner
the tables are best left standing
on the ceiling with the sinner
crime isn't a good business to go into
but man are the dividends good
I don't care man my vibe is good
the best to be is in your own skin
free of sap and cleansed for sin.
You ever go home and your her aches
city living can't cover up those scars
not when a new day unfolds in the office
and yet Sonic 2 can't escape your Lord
but those days are gone
just enjoy life. here for today
you only live once
And then you wake up
when all you see is an airplane
with a message from your
girl saying she doesn't to see you
Mystic cave Zone doesn't sound
so mystic anymore
and those pink floyd songs
are all burned out
and you're left wondering
why you spent five years
listening to music from before you were born.
with man boobs and a potbelly
I can wax nostalgic about poetic tragedies
but in truth the year was as wondrous
as a cave covered in the trees at autumn
with a beautiful, gangly girl whispering sweet nothings in my ear
as strawberry with cream and chocolate fondue
where I can't understand what she's saying
but the feeling is still there
and I hold her hand in mine, smiling.
knowing her next serene kiss on my neck might be the last.
only in my dreams, now the foggy sunlight has approached
and the fog slowly turns to golden sunrays
and I wonder if I can take the day out to lunch
and char it with my witty banter
when all I wanted was a hug
and a kiss the taste of a soft drink
a smile with shiny off-white teeth
I don't care if you're a communist
a socialist or a conservative
the bridges are filled with all your types
Just bring a condom
and we can embrace in peace
tender thoughts and tender foes
the moist mouth numbs toes
I got progessively crazier in the youth
of time where the colors blazed
only normal and only tasteful
as king pig pointed his finger
and touched the sky with a fiery temper
I love you grass
let me eat you
be one with you
I want to be green
at that point where the blue meets nature
and the worms crawl on the soil
eat me, taste me, touch me.
let the opposites of yonder collapse on itself
and wonder when it strips
over a game of chess
or mercy; skype; an abandoned message
a rain soaked
taste touch feel sense
be in my oh one you
I pray in this forsaken age
that things will wonder in the right perception
son and God; God and me
tomorrow: salvation
salad over pizza
thank you for the chance at another sunrise
Thank you for giving me reason
and the chance I can understand your Love
absorb the Beauty
drain the Hate
but only if
equilibrium is reached
Glory to the toilet
where bowels are excavated
I worship thee
Glory to the highest
hold my hand Lord
and send me to the moon
let me see it's face,
in all thy gloury,
you make me Happy
and in golden rays
a thousand cheers
and all is right
a beach hell bound on a thousand hands
and the giggly laugh of a newborn child
beauty is in the eye of the beholder
but ugly is in the face of the retarded
wonder, warmth surround me
in this large city
where the suburbs suffocate me
only the tired cry
and the weak give up
Let it be known that the
sad silently sunder sleep
I know you
and that knowledge
makes me whole
makes me complete
one with the Earth
ashes to ashes
sky to sky
tears or sea
minerals to tears
pears to trees
dust to ash
Let me cry in my glory clothes
and sob the sad away
as the world ponders and absorbs me in the way mortality only speaks
OH GOD I TRY TO MAKE SENSE
hear me at the peer.
Is it even where I need thee?
pray tell
the acid spell
let it run away
and never come back
Lord of mine
mine of God
King of kings
and somber sleep
I love you in the wholest way
and call you Jesus Christ
at the icy church walls
in the attic
the tears are shed
as the raindrops in my forearm's hand
yellow is as one beauty color
and the beer tastes good
climb into the womb
and let the bass lull you to sleep
I am me
truer words never spoken
Let the rumble play darts
on my aching head
the warmth will only get better
next year when teh skin is salt
Lordy lordy let me love you
beauty is the nudity
the salt is shaken

soliloquy of season

Do you know what I like to say

When the rain is pouring

While we stare outside the doors

And try to make out the sun within the clouds?

There’s no better place than here.

That’s what I like to think when I

Am under water and looking up

The only place where the cold air can’t touch

Is where you don’t let it.

And that my friend, is  a wonderful feeling

The time is right and the temp is great

I love it, and I love you.

And nothing can happen to us as we sit here

In our crying shelter, from the rain the blood

And the pain.

It’s there. We are here.

It’s summertime, even though it might not look

Like it just quite yet.

It’s here. Just as we are.

It never really goes away.

There’s a wonder to every little nook and cranny

Of every tiny thing we ever do.

And it’s beautiful

I’d ask if you agree but there is no need

So just keep silent

And enjoy the soliloquy of the seasons

I run to your arms.

And I realize the entire time I was wrong

I sat there and looked as you as a black

Sad thing that stared indefinitely with eyes black

Into the sun

But as I got to know you you weren’t that bad

You were as lost as me

Maybe more so.

I cried in your eyes and didn’t listen

To the dark clouds in the forest wasting away

Getting closer when they wanted to show

But now I’m here

And you are there

And I am just wondering where things go from here

Because being strong isn’t as important

As it was five minutes ago

The talk of the town

That’s not us

But I think we’ll survive

Because we are who we are

You are me

And I am you.

The happiness is there

Without going away.

Smiling without fading, for now, and forever

Without a care in the world

With smiles in the air

And tears in the ether

But that’s ok

Because the people in the smokey bars

And the hallways can look

And long and wonder

But they won’t understand

And they won’t believe me

Can forever be forever?

I sure hope so. Because I believe

And I think you believe too.

I tried, but now I know.

Sometimes things are meant to stay

And Christmas sometimes comes all year long

Without wonder or anticipation

And we can just celebrate it and explore it everyday.

door

That door, I look at it

And it stares at me back.

With it’s looking glass

And the knocks that come

Sometimes I want to open it

Othertimes I want to let it be

But regardless I sit here and stare

Time ticks off the top of the head

And wonders where it goes

But the door it never fades

Although a random riot

May sit there and try to tear it down

No. It’s there. As it sits

Infinite whiteness and solidarity

Monolithic and staring

With its single looking glass.

One day I might knock.

And see if the door is opened

By such a petty action.

But no, for now with

My lack of knowledge

For the amount of locks and

What may be outside

I will sit here. And wonder

And use the thoughts of my dreams

To sit here and speculate

What may be on the outside

And such a sad existence

Is only what one on the outside

May think.

dark room

I tried to write to you when

The ground cracked and the squirrels squealed

Nobody will hear the sad sounds

Of symphonies running their midnight errands

Although do you remember that time my dear

When I texted my friend the last few digits of

The return to my decision of med school.

The only land I had was my own,

And the return of the second distance can only be there

When you had the talk with your parents about the glory

The glory and the beauty

The glory, sitting in this dark room

And wandering when the stirs are going to cry out

Into the cold morbid meticulous sky to see peace

Twisted and torn down spaces of crampness

Approaches the taste of sensitive tenure.

And you look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about

Although I’ve been standing here the entire time.

It never was that easy. You either were born with it or not

The tasty victory of those above are not meant to come but crumbs.

I just want a five page paragraph

That tells me what your small bits of life are like

I have friends across the globe, but my best friend is

My carpet. And the heart skips when the little light

Blips on my cell phone

Give the people what they paid for

The pennies or the dollars doesn’t matter much to me

Just when the boiling in the stomach sets

And the girlfriend looks at the blog to check

If anything has been put it up on the last three months

Sometimes it has although whoa not often

Chocolate tears are the types that the woman takes when

She can’t take the photos of the entire class

Because the entire class would rather cry and squirt

Then take a silly photo for her

Holiday in August

The holidays will be rolling around again soon.

And the radio waves will be rich with the tunes

The songs never lose their touch and age gracefully

Though the years fly by with what may or may not be

But something is different this time and its presence

Comes across on every light and every fragrance

Paul might be having a wonderful Christmas time

But with the added weight its hard to repay in kind

Painted smiles, reminisce, eggnog, sentiments

But the cold wind even when it blows its fragile kiss

In the small of your back, the salt of your sleepless wish

It’s not there.

The gray sky and the light snow will be the best

Friend you have in these times, as at least you know its

There, and you can lean back on its smile whenever

You need the support.

This is not dead

I didn't do jackshit for New Year's. What I did was go to the gym with my brother. Yes, no parties for me.  I was near the end of my rope at that point and saw no future that looked desirable. Two things happened that night. On the gym's radio, I heard Justin Bieber's "Baby". I also swore to beat Silent Hill 2 for the first time and did so. I got the good ending. I took that as an omen.

Things have changed in those few months since, things that I could not have imagined happen happened. One of those few things in my dreams was to write a novel. It needed to happen. I have ideas and one of them needs to come to fruition finally. I finally have a full concept for one, and it's going to happen--come hell or highwater.

I don't give a shit if it doesn't get published, I WILL NOT die happy without this coming true. And this one will. I won't let it not.

May

No news is good news

Has become my theory and philosophy

When I sit here and look at my email

At a rate of about two or three times an hour

Catastrophic thinking leads to always assuming

that the only form of email I will get is

bad news; hence, my mantra that literally

is a euphemism for the phrase “ignorance

is bliss” without the ignorance

making the assumption that I am dumb.

So when the status quo of Inbox (40)

Goes up to (41) or (42) a chilled fear

Goes down my spine as I click the tab

To see what possibly could have been the cause.

In my relief it is nearly always with no uncertainty

An advertisement to allow me to book a flight

To Jamaica or buy some shirts for

Twenty percent off the original retail price.

I wait for  the hydraulic brakes of

A UPS truck to bring me a package I expect

A direct contradiction to my original point

But the only sounds are that of the garbage truck

At 9 in the morning and the sounds of

The yellow school bus dropping the kids off

At a time between 315 and 330 PM

Or 1515 to 1530 if you are into

The military or 24 hour clock

Again your naming preference to your discretion.

The dadgum cat got in my lap to cuddle as I

Wrote this which is on a purely emotional stance is

A thing of beauty but when looking with more

Substance is a moment of torture as I

Tend to have severe allergens toward felines

And can already feel my skin start to itch

But nevertheless I pet him anyway.